MEATLOAF MOMENTS

When I met my husband, Sean, I was living in Newport Beach, California and he was living in a small-ish town in Southern Oregon.  Every 2 weeks, one of us would fly to the other and this went on for almost a year. 

I went to Oregon for Christmas that year and since we had dropped his 2 boys off at their mom’s on Christmas Eve, we had the morning to ourselves.  At the time, I had a lovely habit of going to get a coffee every morning and taking a long walk at the beach.  My husband is not a coffee drinker and therefore did not have any at his house, so I asked if he would bundle up with me and go for a walk to find some coffee.  It being Christmas morning, I was prepared that nothing would be open, especially in this small-ish town, but it is the home of Dutch Bros so I kept a smidge of hope alive. 

Two miles later we realized that Dutch Bros was indeed closed but then I saw a line of cars at the only Starbucks in town and was pleasantly surprised. Can always count on a Starbucks being open.  When we got closer we realized that the cars were pulling in and out because it was, in fact, closed.  My heart sank a little bit but I am a grown up so I was okay.  We started walking back.  

A couple blocks into our return I started crying.  Gently at first and then it turned into a full sob.  Sean held me in his arms there on the sidewalk while I balled into his jacket making a proper mess.  I opened my eyes and looked over his shoulder to see Starbucks and realized he must think I’m crazy, so I sobbed out “IT'S NOT ABOUT THE COFFEE.  IT'S NOT ABOUT THE COFFEE.”  

After a few minutes, I pulled myself together and tried to explain.  

As we turned around from the Starbucks, in my mind I had been thinking, I am in love with this man.  There is a chance that we could get married and what on earth would I do here in this small town that doesn’t even have a coffee shop open on Christmas? I’d have to give up my clients, my friends, my family, the beach!.  How do you start over at 40 years old in a town where you don’t know anyone? What on Earth would I do with myself here in this place I have never heard of until meeting this amazing man?!  I got scared, and it made tears burst forth from my eye sockets.

This became something that we laughed at because of how I was sobbing IT’S NOT ABOUT THE COFFEE into his jacket, but at the time, I was having a moment.

Back home in California, I was training one of my champs, a successful TV writer, recounting the funny story and he said, “Oh, you had a Meatloaf  Moment.”

“A meat what?”

“In the writer’s room we call that a Meatloaf Moment.  It's when a guy had a bad day at work, his boss yelled at him, someone dented his car door, he got stuck in traffic on the way home and when he walks in the door his wife says ‘Hi, Honey.  I made your favorite meatloaf for dinner’ and he loses it, yelling ‘I DON’T WANT YOUR FREAKING MEATLOAF!’  He’s obviously not mad about the meatloaf, but that is where he explodes.

Yep! I had a Meatloaf Moment.  While I was in love with my boyfriend and excited about the idea of marrying him, the thought of changing my entire life in one fell swoop was making me emotional. I need to express it and the coffee moment did the trick.  

Understanding the Meatloaf Moment has served me well ever since.  When I find myself triggered in some way I can ask myself what is really going on.  When my dad was fixated on rose bushes at his new house I was able to ask him what was really bothering him, because I knew it wasn’t the rose bushes.   When one of my now bonus boys is upset I can gently talk it through with them to find the real issue.  It’s especially helpful to be able to explain the concept to them using something as silly as meatloaf. 

What it comes down to is the power of awareness.  The ability to pause and ask myself what is really going on underneath the meatloaf is a time-saver and I dare say, a relationship saver.   Recognizing the emotion as a Meatloaf Moment is usually pretty easy to detect if you are willing to take the time to dig just a little deeper and be honest with yourself and whomever you just yelled at or cried on.  And if you think someone else is having the Moment, I have found that telling them the concept of the Meatloaf helps them dig within and be willing to share.

Mangia!