CHANGE THE CHANNEL
We do a lot of singing in this house. I’d like to say an advanced “you’re welcome” to my bonus boys’ future girlfriends and wives for their ability to turn a simple statement, word or note into a song reference, some from eras they weren’t even alive in yet but hear us sing around the house. I’d also like to apologize if any of those tunes get stuck in your head and you wake up in the middle of the night singing something like the Wellerman song of quarantine Tik Tok fame.
A catchy tune is fun, getting it stuck in my head is annoying after about 20 minutes. I’m at the point now where after 6pm at night if my husband starts one note of a catchy tune, I instantly say “No” and he stops, and we laugh. If I start singing it that late in the day, I WILL wake up in the middle of the night with it still in my head. I am not interested in this.
Nor am I interested in getting a crunchy person stuck in my head, ruminating on a conversation gone wrong, or worrying about something that may not even happen. I’ll venture a guess and say that nobody on the planet likes feeling that they can’t control their own mind and stop thinking about something or someone.
I started gaining traction on a solution a few years ago when I heard a radio host and therapist tell a caller, “A bird can land on your head but you don’t have to build it a nest.” Whoa! Brilliant. I can have thoughts come in my head but I don’t have to keep thinking them. I don’t have to make them comfortable and feed them. I can let them fly away!
So I tried it and for a while it worked until one day I must have been dealing with something tough and the birds were flying in fast. Lots of birds. I didn’t give in though, I just started swatting those birds away. Every unhelpful thought that came in I would bird swat. Out you go, bird! Keep it moving! This was so effective that I even wrote a blog about it called Bird Swatting and many friends and clients seemed to love this approach as well.
There is a problem with this technique though, swatting is work. It takes effort and it keeps attention on the very subject we are trying to get off of. Enter another idea…
Brain trick #2: Change the channel/Get off the subject
When you’re in the car and listening to the radio, what do you do when a song you don’t like comes on? Do you sit there talking about all the things you don’t like about it? Do you turn up the volume? Do you quietly fume until its over? No, you don’t. You change the channel. And you keep changing it until you find a song you do like and feels good to you.
Fun fact: we can also do that with the catchy tunes we get stuck in our head and even our thoughts! For many years now, whenever I get a song stuck in my head I sing a church song I learned as a kid called “I love you, Lord” and it works every. single. time. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night with that delightfully good Wellerman song in my head. I just change the channel in my mind. I sing a new song.
I realize this sounds cute in regards to a song but might be a tall order when you are dealing with something stressful in life. I will tell you though that it still works. Simply think about anything else entirely off the subject. Don’t try to feel better about the subject if it is causing you dismay. Pick a different topic, one that feels good to think about. This is key. Think about it for at least a minute straight and let that topic flow into another feel good thought, like listening to your own playlist of favorite songs.
One level better
Think about said happy, feel good topic out loud. Personally, I must do this in order to be fully successful. If I’m quiet and thinking internally, my brain will naturally wander back to the bummy topic. Happens every time. I have to think out loud to get a feel good momentum going on my new subject, singing a new song on my new radio channel.
Most often, a quick walk around the block thinking good stuff out loud does the trick. Other times though, the stakes are higher, the offense is greater, the narcissist is extra narcy, the boundaries are being threatened from all sides and it takes more than a short walk-n-talk to feel good again. For example, just recently, my husband and I were dealing with all of that mess at once and I spent over an hour weeding my backyard and talking out loud to get and keep myself in a better feeling place. He gets quiet, reflects, prays and does, I don’t know what else, but he eventually pulls through. I need to move. I need to get intentional and vocal. I need to find a song that feels good and sing that thing at a volume that drowns out the muck.
Within the hour, our entire back lawn was free of a bucket load of weeds and so was my mind. I felt good, balanced and clear. Had the problem gone away? We wish. But I wasn’t giving over my power to it. I wasn’t letting it steal my joy. And being in a better place mentally allowed me to address the issue from a better place, if it even needed my attention at all.
Truth is, much of the stuff we spend our time thinking about that doesn’t feel good isn’t even necessary! It’s often none of our business and it doesn’t need us to do anything about it, so why do we even bother? Try simply changing the channel whenever you catch yourself on the wrong radio station. Change the subject on the thoughts in your mind, and please feel free to change the subject in conversations with others too.
I have been doing this for a couple years now and it's wonderful. It’s not that I can’t have a tough conversation or handle tough topics, but these past several years have been a smorgasbord of bad news and polarization and it's clearly affecting our mental health. I value my mental health and want to protect it, so when I feel myself or the energy in the room taking a dive, I simply say, “Hey, let’s talk about something that feels good!” I can’t think of a time when this wasn’t met with agreement. I can feel a collective sigh of relief in the room as though I’ve put on everyone’s favorite song.
Kid trick
When one or both of the boys are a bit salty and I remember to, without explanation, I literally play their current favorite song and turn up the volume. Has yet to fail us. Especially on long road trips when we are getting restless, loud Jesus music to the rescue. Channel changed.
Sports and homework trick
Would you believe this brain trick also works brilliantly for that sports skill you’re trying to master or that math problem your kiddo is struggling with?
Years ago when I was learning to jump rope, my boxing coach was trying to teach me how to double jump (one jump, two turns of the rope) and I couldn’t seem to get passed 3 or so in a row. I was getting frustrated and melting down. It was the end of the night and I was ready to leave the gym, but he kept me going and encouraged me to get 10. I just couldn’t seem to do it. Until, ready to quit, Coach said to me, “we aren’t leaving here tonight until you get 10 in a row.”
“What?! You can’t keep me here.”
“Sure I can. I own the gym, I’ll just lock the doors.”
No longer frustrated but actually mad at this point, I turned around, busted out 10 double jumps in a row, dropped the rope and said, “see you tomorrow” as I walked out the door.
How did that happen? My channel got changed for me, just like I do with the kids. I was no longer focusing all my energy on the actual skill and instead was mad at my coach, which distracted my brain so my body could do what I had taught it to do.
I have since used this on myself when trying to master a new technique or when playing golf. Every golfer knows there will come a time of frustration and that only makes our game get worse. This is when, and I am not kidding about this, I stop right there on the golf course and do push ups. Just 5 or 10 is enough to distract my brain from overthinking my golf swing so my body can, again, do what I’ve trained it to do.
It doesn’t have to be push ups though. It can be any movement that involves the whole body, like jumping jacks, dancing or simply jumping up and down. It works for sports skills and even homework. The next time you or your child is trying to solve a problem and are at the point of frustration, get up. Do something else for a few minutes. Do those push ups or dance to a favorite song and distract the emotive part of your brain so that the solution can come to you. If the answer never comes you’ll at least be back on a mental channel that feels good.
MOMENTUMS TO HELP YOU CHANGE THE CHANNEL AND GET ON SUBJECTS THAT FEEL GOOD. MANY MORE ON MY YOUTUBE CHANNEL.